Four stories of love and longing in isolation
Photography Christopher Dickens
London warehouse-dwellers share how their romantic lives are faring under lockdown
A global pandemic disrupts all of life’s material circumstances, including those of romantic relationships.
The first night, I shaved his head. The fifth day, I painted his nails. It wasn’t long before he took my best Adidas socks and, halfway through the second week, he was wearing my clothes. We watched movies until four in the morning, went to bed at five, saw the sky turn indigo, forgot what day it was. He made playlists for his radio show and I wrote poems about the quarantine.
He kept building worlds on Banished but forgot to press save when everyone was healthy, so when winter wiped out the crops, people started dying of starvation. It made me think we should have stocked up on the nice pasta before Sainsbury’s had been rinsed. Eight sheep, six cows, 10 builders, two blacksmiths, a nice little crop of sweet potato… more chocolate, probably. Let the Great Construction begin.
We worried a bit, a lot, skirting the edge of intimacy and vulnerability with our biohazardous bodies. He built more worlds and the peasants made more babies. I covered the floor with novels and flicked through pictures of Venice dreaming of the swans swimming happy in the canals. As all external circumstances grew more and more extreme, we spooned religiously.
The afternoon he arrived to stay at my warehouse, we found out that one of my housemates was displaying coronavirus symptoms, and as a result, the house went into immediate quarantine. The less-than-safe proximity we had all lived in until then became an intrusive thought and the fear of getting ill fairly quickly pretty much a certainty. While I did shed a tear as I visualised the virus’ particles sticking to my lungs and probably his too, the thought was softened by the prospect of riding out the consequences – whatever they might be – with him. And it was sweet.
Photography David Jorre
Dating, having sex, living together, splitting up, having arguments, flirting – there isn’t an aspect of the human experience that has been left untouched by the COVID-19 lockdown. During this global emergency, we are asked to go against our instincts by social distancing and self-isolating.
This is as much a test for single people as it is for people in relationships. On dating apps, personal hygiene seems to rank higher than a clean criminal record, and masturbation is encouraged (just wash your hands thoroughly before and after). One morning, a housemate who’s been spending this lockdown alone walked into the kitchen visibly upset, saying that his usual wet dreams about his ex had been replaced by dreams of shared hugs, and it felt good.
Here, three warehouse-dwellers recount how their romantic lives are faring as they live through one of the most peculiar scenarios of our lifetimes.
Some names have been changed to preserve anonymity.
‘The universe brought us together at exactly the right time’
Though we have a lot of mutual friends, we never crossed paths until February 29, 2020 – which was a leap year, suggesting a mystical, magical juju was at play. We’ve been “going in” since then.
When we heard that a lockdown was imminent, we had already spent the past few days and nights together. It was blissful, and I couldn’t think of anyone I’d rather make a nest with than him, so we decided to ride out self-isolation together. (I live in a warehouse with nearly 20 people, so it seemed a more sensible choice for us to self-isolate at his house to minimise the chances of spreading infection.)
Photography David Jorre
It’s a strange way to start a relationship, but I feel like the universe brought us together at exactly the right time. I have no idea why, but the first words I said to him were, “I've been waiting for you, where have you been?” That's just one of many weird signs that make me feel like a smitten kitten when I am around him.
I have loved spending every day living and learning with someone who matches my sunshine, is proactive in making sure we have fun things to do despite the limitations, has such a beautiful kind soul, is my partner in goodness... and who I also fancy the pants off. I don’t know what the future holds for me or him or us, or how our relationship will change when lockdown lifts, but I trust that whatever is meant to be will be. If I’ve learnt anything from this, it’s that life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. Don’t panic: you have no control.
– Amy, 25, Video producer
‘I have more time to process my emotions’
My breakup with the boy next door came a few days prior to lockdown being announced in the UK. Living next to an ex-lover is a less than ideal prospect, especially under the current circumstances, but unfortunately that’s where I find myself.
I found the breakup particularly painful, worsened by the knowledge I’d be stuck in this lockdown time, with nothing to distract me, indefinitely. Initially I wondered how I would keep it together, feeling this sadness amongst all the new worries surrounding my life. I felt trapped and unable to escape from uneasy reminders, worsened of course by the inevitable frequency of our encounters, now that we’re spending more time at home.
At this point I’m getting used to living with uncertainty. I try to remind myself to focus on the things I do have control over. And in many ways the timing has actually been beneficial: life has been stripped back and temporarily feels less complicated, so I simply have more time to process my emotions.
I live with 19 people, so I’m aware of the many different ways people have been affected by the lockdown, both mentally and physically. It’s humbling to have so many people around me going through their own emotional struggles, and we’re all able to support each other.
– Maya, 30, Set designer
Photography David Jorre
‘There is a constant questioning as to whether this is healthy or not’
My most recent partner and I were in a relationship for about two years, breaking up in summer 2019. In regards to relationships and dating, my first thought when lockdown was announced was, “Oh shit.” My ex-partner and I had agreed only a few weeks before that we were going to take some distance from each other in order to heal and move on properly. Though he lives at the end of my road, he’d gone on a trip to South America for over a month, which gave me the perfect opportunity to start dating again, knowing that he was halfway around the world probably doing the same. Although I want the best for both of us, in life and in dating, I didn’t want to see it, especially so close to home.
But his trip was cut short with the recall of all Brits travelling and lockdown of the country, and he came back disheartened by the early return and very scared of the virus.
All I know is that in this global pandemic, you reach out to people you care about. It has put people's priorities and relationships into perspective, and my ex-partner and I have chosen to reach out to each other in this crisis.
It’s been difficult. With him, there’s a constant navigation of what we should be doing, what we want to be doing, and what we are doing. We still talk everyday, but there is a constant questioning from both sides as to whether it’s healthy or not.
Though this situation has, inevitably, highlighted the cracks in our post-breakup friendship, it has also solidified our bond in many ways. When I was ill, he surprised me with a food shop and left home-cooked dinners on my doorstep; and when he was feeling the pressure from this lockdown, I was on the end of the phone in the middle of the night.
Both of us have realised that whatever shape our friendship takes, whether close or distant, we will always be there for each other if needed. Our relationship will undoubtedly shift once quarantine is over, but that’s healthy for us both, I think.
Being his first girlfriend, and him being the first guy that I ever loved caused us to make some immature and irreversible decisions during our time together, but here’s hoping the future leads to something amazing, where we can be happy for each other, in our single life and throughout our next relationships. This lockdown has proven that we have an undeniable connection and friendship, hopefully for life.”
– Lucy, 25, Supporting actor